The 33 stages of being an Ibiza bride

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The Ibiza bride is a rare breed. Although each and every one is unique, when observed in their natural habitats, these fascinating creatures have been proven to display many similar characteristics, driven by passion, charged by emotion, and on occasion, fuelled by copious amounts of cava. We delve into her mindset in an attempt to identify the many stages she goes through in the lead up to her Ibiza wedding.

Warning: Approach with caution…

1. YOU SAY YES!

2. Instagram a photo of the ring and update your Facebook status. Within two minutes of aforementioned ‘yes’ moment. OBVS.

3. Float around in a newly-fiancéd bubble of happiness for about a week… until the constant repetition of ‘So have you set a date?’ starts to drive you mad. Insist on instant crisis meeting with co-fiancé to discuss THE BIG DAY.

4. The word Ibiza seems to float on the horizon, like a beautiful so close, but so far away. You talk it over as a possibility. Then you insist (like you didn’t always know it would be the case) you MUST HAVE A WHITE ISLAND WEDDING. Fiancé dutifully agrees. Let’s face it – who wouldn’t?

5. You spend more hours on wedding blogs and Pinterest than checking your work emails and swiftly switch your Vogue subscription to Modern Bride (and add Perfect Wedding, You & Your Wedding, Inside Weddings and Cosmo Bride to your growing stack of glossies). OBVIOUSLY you sign up to receive White Ibiza’s wedding updates and download the handy White Ibiza Wedding magazine for extra guidance. The imminent task of planning a wedding suddenly seems like a full time job.

ibiza-pure-events7. So you immediately enlist a wedding planner. Makes perfect sense – it’s virtually impossible to plan your own wedding in Ibiza without having all the right connections, knowing all the ins and outs and speaking the many languages involved. The expert events planning team at Cardamom Events and Ibiza wedding planner Kristiina Pylkas of Ibiza Pure Events tick all of the above boxes and then some! [Read more about Ibiza Pure Events here and Cardamom Events here]

8. You play a mental game of survivor with your best friends in order to determine your team of bridesmaids. And of course, you get to vet the potential groomsmen.

9. Vision boarding becomes your one and only focus. If it were a sport, you’d be the gold medalist (get the experts at Cardamom Events to show you how if you’re still a novice).

10. Streamline your visions until one common theme appears – this requires extreme focus. Your wedding theme has been decided! Cue searching online for hours on end for the perfect vintage cupcake trays, custom designing your seating chart, practice calligraphy for the perfect invites, looking for an Ibiza-based horse drawn carriage… and whatever other whims take your fancy!

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11. The REAL planning can now commence. Make a wish list of potential Ibiza wedding venues and book your first trip to the island for viewings. Cotton Beach Club is the name on every Ibiza wedding planner’s lips in 2014, as the island’s latest hip beach and sunset wedding venue prepares to open its doors this summer, already in demand with discerning Ibiza brides and grooms to be. [Read more about Cotton Beach Club here]

12. Let the hunger games commence. Operation bridal body is here.

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13. After your trip to Ibiza of course, where you’ll be trialing, testing and tasting your catering options. Cardamom Events – In-house Catering & Cakes are fully licensed experts at designing delectable menus, whether a stand-up canapé party or full-scale sit-down affair for 300, and when it comes to putting the icing on your wedding cake, they are the on-island specialists!  [Read more about Cardamom Events in our ‘highlights’ here]

14. Confirm the venue and lock in your wedding photographer ASAP. Pronto. Quicksmart! NOW! Ibiza weddings are big business – you snooze you lose.

15. Return home to resume extreme training regime. Maybe even enlist the services of a personal trainer or nutritionist. Don’t forget to insist fiancé also join the gym, do a juice detox and become your very own body-morphing version of Christian Bale.

16. Ibiza is all about guest lists and your wedding is no exception. Think of yourself as the island’s best clipboard queen as you pout and purse those lips while drawing up a strict list of invitees. There is a chance fiancé may want to invite a person or two as well, although of course final approval lies with you! When you’ve devised the perfect ensemble, set up a personalize online RSVP site and send out those save the date emails.

17. In the world of bridal fashion, you are a huntress. Your whole life’s shopping experience has led you up unto this moment. The search for ‘the one’ is on. Well, the other ‘one’ – your dress of course. Try on 50 different dresses, narrow it down to the three that you’ll try on over 10 times each, much to the salesgirl’s disdain, before finally making your commitment.

18. After seeing yourself in said dress, add three more spinning classes to your workout routine each week and cut all sugar/carbs/gluten/wheat/deliciousness from your diet for the foreseeable future.

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19. Then there’s the matter of shoes. Jewellery. The bridesmaid’s dresses. And the flower girls. And your honeymoon wardrobe. And overseeing the groom and groomsmen’s tuxedos. Oh, and just a couple of little pieces of gold to pick up… ORDER THE RINGS!

20. Immediately binge on three bags of Haribo due to extreme bridal duty overload.

21. Call in sick, spend three days in bed intently studying every wedding DVD known to mankind, from Bridesmaids and My Best Friend’s Wedding to What Happens in Vegas, Four Weddings and a Funeral, Father of the Bride, The Wedding Singer, The Wedding Crashers, Muriel’s Wedding, 27 Dresses, The Wedding Planner and every classic television series wedding (Monica and Chandler, Scott and Charlene, Carrie and Big, Marshall and Lily and the rest) plus The Royal Wedding of Kate and Wills! You need to be prepared for every possible scenario, and if it’s happened in a movie chances are, it could happen to you!

22. Call the whole thing off. It’s all too much. You didn’t ever really want to get married anyway. Happily ever after only exists in Disney films.

23. Emergency phone call to your wedding planner (aka bridal therapist). Apologise to your fiancé (and anyone else caught in the crossfire) for causing any alarm. Nothing to see here folks, the show must go on!

24. The post-Haribo breakout prompts you into booking weekly facial treatments from this day forward.

25. The big week arrives – you’re going to Ibiza! Pack! Unpack! Repack! Yes, you do need that many bikinis and no you won’t be able to find the same products in the supermarket so don’t leave anything behind.

26. Fly! Be sure to tell everyone you’re on the way to your wedding for extra VIP treatment.

27. Arrive on the white isle, breathe in the salty, sea air as you step off the plane, enjoy the view as you drive through the rolling hills on your way to your accommodation and gloat as you smugly ‘check in’ on Facebook.

28. Your beautifying mission begins. Tans, nails, lashes and massages are a-go-go. Grab your groomie’s hands to see if his nails need a man-icure too. NOTE: DO NOT GO IN THE SUN. Do not let bridesmaids go in the sun. There will be no panda eyes or strap marks in your wedding photos, dammit! Oh ok, just for a quick dip. With 50+ sunscreen. Then straight back to the cabana, under your wide-brimmed hat.

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29. Convene with your family and the bridal party for one last get together (your last night as ‘technically’ a single lady!), where you insist you’re totally fine, cool as a cucumber, as sweet as a nut, your totally chillaxed dudes… and then run into the toilet and hyperventilate every five minutes before powdering your nose and resuming the role of chic, together bride-to-be and returning to the group.

30. Lie in bed the night before trying desperately to sleep. Finally fall asleep at 7am, wake up approximately six minutes later to the stark realisation that TODAY IS YOUR WEDDING DAY. Realise you have not yet written your vows and rack your brains to draw on the best elements of point 21. Heck, no one’ll notice. They’ll be too busy wiping away tears of joy from Monica’s… ahem, we mean YOUR emotional vows.

31. Wash away your panic with a soothing glass of breakfast cava. Don’t forget to eat something. Today is your re-entry into the society of women who actually eat! You’d be in some serious trouble if the dress doesn’t fit at this stage…

32. Enjoy every minute of the lead up, the pampering hair and make-up, the moment you slip into the dress and your Cinderella shoe moment – because this is (hopefully) your once-in-a-lifetime chance to lap it up! Think of it as your very own Oscars ceremony, with only you striking a pose on the red carpet (oh alright, followed by a few bridesmaids and the odd guy in a tux here and there) with your faithful fans and the paparazzi basking in your glow. And remember, no matter what anyone says, the bride is always right.

33. Walk down the aisle. DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT unless you want to cry/hyperventilate/puke/trip in the process.

34. SAY ‘I DO’!

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