Life coach: Releasing negative emotions


Are you feeling like you want to rest, rest, rest in autumn? Is your body feeling like cosy nights in and a big cup of tea are just what the doctor ordered? And your mind? Is it feeling bright and focused or also ready to hibernate? All these feelings are completely normal and actually indicate we are in harmony with the seasonal change.

However, we can also be carrying around unresolved issues, such as situations that have not yet been cleared with associates and friends. Summer festivities that took a funny turn or misunderstandings that can bore deeper into our core happiness than we first realised… unless you take time to be clear and cleanse.

November fireworks nights take place all over Europe and the UK, and in the Northern US we begin our log fires to warm our homes. In the same way we cast all the dead wood out, recognising toxic relationships, festering feelings, clearing out our cupboards and recycling old clothes all clears out old energy and creates space for new energy to flow in.

Feng Shui has recognised the need for energy flow in our environments for many centuries and similarly, repositioning ourselves in our relationships, business and personal, having a good old burn up of anything that has been feeling not quite right, unclear or bothering us (even if you don’t know why) is essential.

‘As long as you don’t forgive, who and whatever it is will occupy rent-free space in your mind.’ Isabelle Holland

Whether it is our fault or not is irrelevant. Communications are always a dance and it takes two to tango! Forgiveness for ourselves and the other in the relationship gives you mental, spiritual, physical and energetic freedom, so… on to the dance floor we go:

Getting started:

  1. Make a list of all the people and situations that feel as if there is some heaviness, discomfort, lack of clarity or other negative feeling
  2. Give each one a mark out of 10 on how good this relationship/situation feels right now (so that you can measure your progress easily)
  3. Prepare with the steps below before contacting each person so that you can be coming from the high road: a road that enables you to retain your composure and be clear in your values whilst finding a good middle-understanding and to feel stronger, more energised and better in yourself through doing this!

(a)  Bonfire of the vanities – our ‘ego’ (yes here he is again) just loves to be right! Check with yourself – are there any situations in which I feel particularly wronged or disprespected? What is the purpose of hanging on to this need to be right, just to be right? Is there a way I can still keep my sense of self-respect and value whilst reaching another form of understanding or compromise?

(b)  Create a list of your core values – the things that are most important to you in relationships ie: integrity, honest communication, patience, appreciation.

(c)  Now match your stepped on values to the different people/relationships and situations ie: Lauren – did not appreciate the huge amount of work I put in to organising her hen week, Thomas keeps speaking over me in the Monday meeting and it is really getting under my skin as I feel disrespected…

(d)  Now recognise any situations in which your conscience is making you feel guilty or uncomfortable. Guilt is a heavy, heavy emotion that can become a big burden to bear. Find the courage to be honest with yourself about the part that you played in each situation or relationship.

(e)  Create a ‘frame’ when you email or text or call – explain that you want to meet to clear the air about something that has been on your heart and mind because you value your relationship and want to ensure you can burn up any uncomfortable feelings and enable plenty of positivity to flow! (Change wording to feel good and sound natural for you!)

(f)    Meet in a neutral and comfortable place and keep it clean and clear, take ownership of the value that is important to you and recognise that although it is up to you to choose how you feel, ask them how they would feel if they were on the receiving end of their words and actions.

(g)  Allow them to realise the feelings as if they are you and this will avoid any finger pointing and faultfinding.

(h)  If you are the one feeling guilty – take a big breath and OWN IT! Apologise and come from your heart – honesty is the best policy and there is a huge amount of beauty in truth.

(i)    Then have a drink! A cup of tea, a coffe, a wine, a champagne – whatever feels best for you – to thank them and toast another good burn up and to celebrate facing the fears that had prevented you from doing this earlier!

The benefits of doing this are that you feel lighter and much more positive without carrying around these heavy emotions. You avoid becoming weighed down and stressed out whenever you need to meet with or speak with the other people involved. You feel stronger, clearer and much more present and release all sorts of associated anxieties, as well as avoiding potentially embarrassing fireworks that can happen when feelings are repressed and the truth left unspoken…

Brilliant! Enjoy a good burn up for warming your soul.

Photography by Ana Lui