Miss W's blog

What happens in The Experience Bar…

Miss W tries to work out where the hell she has ended up after a long night out

It was about 9am on a searing hot summer day back in 2000-and-something. I was wearing a sequinned mini-dress that was really only appropriate after dark.

It was about 9am on a searing hot summer day back in 2000-and-something. I was wearing a sequinned mini-dress that was really only appropriate after dark. My make-up was smudged, I didn’t have any sunglasses and I couldn’t be sure if I was still drunk or it was a hangover kicking in. I did a quick double-check to be sure my phone, wallet and keys were all still on my person – thankfully, all were present and accounted for. Unlike my brain cells, as I had no idea what had just happened to the last, say, eight hours.
Where the hell was I?

Squinting to adjust my eyes to the daylight, I clocked a lot of turquoise and white décor. There was a swimming pool. Palm trees above. Ahhh, Hotel Es Vive. Now things are starting to become clear. It was all flooding back to me in a hazy, happy way. I’d journeyed right to the core of Ibiza’s hard partying heart. The soundproofed cocoon of a club hidden within Ibiza’s most iconic hotel. The secret place where Ibiza’s movers and shakers were really able to let loose without fear of being spotted.

Fast forward to 2014, and it’s a similar story. I emerge from the bar at around 7am on a Monday morning (well, we do have a more serious job to get to nowadays) in an extremely inappropriate-for-daywear leopard print get-up, and pull my shades from my bag (bonus points for forward planning) which once again, is thankfully with me, not left strewn on the back of a chair in reckless abandon as has happened to me and many of my friends in the years between these two decadent, hedonistic experiences at the The Experience Bar.

I get the feeling I’ve just been at one of the best parties of my life. I can’t remember having that much fun since… well, 2000-and-something! Once again, I’m trying to work out if I’m drunk or hungover… or both! It’s all a little hazy. After managing to hail a taxi in the back streets of Figueretes and slinking up the Dalt Vila hill in that classic walk of shame way, I decide to take to Facebook, like any good online detective, to try and piece back together my night.

You’d think having an ANONYMOUS blog would mean your friends would spill the gossip. You’d think the guarantee that all sources remain confidential would mean hearing some fairly juicy tales. You’d think that the chance to relive the experience of The Experience Bar would be a chance many people would love to take… but on the contrary.

It seems, what happens in The Experience Bar, stays in The Experience Bar.

In recent years, The Experience Bar has grown up a little, as has its clientele (myself a classic example) and it seems we’re all too classy/shy/embarrassed to share our stories, but here are a few things I CAN tell you have happened over the years. To get the real deal, and experience the real Experience, you’ll just have to go there yourself!

*One friend left the bar without his shoes – though he’d previously been spotted talking into one of said shoes thinking it was a mobile phone. Yes, there is photographic evidence of this but I’m not allowed to share to protect the, err, ‘innocent’.

*A certain pop star who now calls Ibiza home had a wonderful time when she first arrived on the island, getting up close and personal, slow dancing with… the wall!

*One of the hotel’s resident DJs arrived to work to start the 1pm shift on a Sunday, to discover a party still going on inside and random items of underwear strewn across the floor.

*Another entrepreneurial pal managed to sell some vibrators to some frisky partygoers (don’t ask any more questions).

*One clever friend dubbed it the ‘Glue pot’, as once you go in, you’re stuck there… usually until the cleaners come, and even then sometimes after.

*A spontaneous marriage proposal once took place on the lips sofa.

*A very influential psychic has declared it to be the third most magnetic place in the world – not Es Vive as rumours persist.

*A hot-right-now British actress tried to snog a friend’s sister on her hen night.

*A very current electronic music duo literally BEGGED to be allowed behind the decks this summer. In the end, they won, and the night was one of the busiest in hotel history.

*Hotel staff have braved the den at all hours to personally give guests their ‘wake-up call’ in order not to miss their flights.

*Despite this, countless flights have been missed, babysitters shifts have been extended and sickies have been called in order to continue the party.

*A pair of false teeth once left the venue in a mouth that was not their owner’s!

*Anonymous but famous graffiti artists have been known to tag their way through the dark spaces, only to have them scrubbed off by overenthusiastic cleaners the following day.

*The ceiling above the bar was once pulled down due to some dancing on the bar, reaching for the rooftops that got a little carried away.

*Hordes of overzealous Cocoon fans once tried to scale the Es Vive fences once they were locked out because the club – hosting a notorious Cocoon after party – was filled to capacity. The party, by the way, went on until 7pm the next day!

There are still a few more days this season to make your own memories (and then forget them again) at The Experience Bar, which is closing its doors on 2014 this Sunday October 12… One thing is for sure – this is one of THE MOST FUN places in Ibiza, and has been for over 15 years, which is a credit to the venue and the team behind it. Sheesh, if those walls could talk!