It doesn’t matter whether you’re a tourist, a worker, a resident or a born and bred local, occasionally Ibiza throws you one of those weeks that really makes you wonder what you have possibly done to deserve it!
My weird Ibiza week started on Sunday morning. I woke up to discover that Naughty Cat #1 had chewed straight through my internet cable, completely cutting me off from my virtual world for the remainder of the weekend (because of course, there is no such thing as a cable shop open on a Sunday in Ibiza!). Not ideal when you work seven days a week in the summer and have a deadline you are frantically trying to meet. Giving said excuse to your boss sounds a little too much like ‘the dog ate my homework’ to be believed. But it’s true – I swear!
Then on Monday morning, my iPhone decided that it would like to permanently live on silent mode and I missed numerous calls and messages – and of course, they were the very very important ones from clients and contacts, never just a friend trying to catch up.
Then the electrical shop didn’t have the exact cable I needed. My cleaner called in sick. I walked all the way back up the Dalt Vila hill to my house only to realise I’d forgotten to get kitty litter while I was out and it was now siesta.
I had my hair cut with a cool new chunky fringe in preparation for my urgent new passport photos, only to discover a mere two hours later that my fringe is too long to meet the standard passport photo requirements and I had to shove it off my face for the pic, which means for the next 10 years I am going to look hideous and be laughed at when checking in anywhere.
Then to add insult to injury, just as I was about to whip myself up a big bowl of pasta, in true comfort food style, our stove stopped working. Just like that. Thus I skipped dinner, went to a fashion show at Atzaro and when I traipsed all the way through the port, STARVING at 1am to my failsafe sushi solution, it was shut. It was after that when Naughty Cat #2 and I shared a couple of pieces of KFC. It was all that was open, honest!
Tuesday morning began with a little ‘protest’ by Naughty Cat #1, who decided to pee on the bathroom floor. Not my bathroom, but my housemate’s. I love scrubbing other people’s bathroom floors in the morning and smelling like bleach for the remainder of the day, really I do.
Immediately afterwards, the bad weather meant we had to cancel a very important photo shoot (and thus a hair stylist, make-up artist, model, stylist, photographer and venue) for the third time in 2 weeks! That’s OK, I thought, I’ll use the time to do some washing. And wouldn’t you know it, our washing machine packed it in.
I got in the shower, hoping to wash away at least some of the bleachy smell, only to discover nothing but tepid water spurting from the showerhead. Call the handyman – you need a new hot water heater. Today. Seriously.
According to Chief White and also astrology legend Susan Miller (both of whom I trust implicitly), Mercury in retrograde is to blame. Apparently Mercury governs all transportation and communication issues, along with intelligence, education and truth. When it is retrograde, it (like Superman around Kryptonite) it loses its power, and things start to go haywire in the aforementioned departments.
While I’m sometimes skeptical about such things, it does make sense. Susan Miller explains Mercury madness better than me, here. Be forewarned folks!
And to top it all off it’s cold here on the island! I mean come on Mercury, get your act together. Quit retrograding and get back to rising. It’s summer already!