Miss W’s blog: Pet peeves

Every summer in Ibiza is so different. That’s what I love so much about this place. With every summer comes new places, new parties, new experiences and of course, new people… who in turn usually bring about some new pet peeves.

Oh come on. Everybody has them. It’s not like I’m the only person in the world who doesn’t totally gush over everything everyone ever says. I bet this blog is a pet peeve of someone out there somewhere. Facebook are even about to install a dislike button to satisfy our desire to tell people what peeves us off. What grinds our gears. What ruffles our feathers. If we all liked the same things, the world would be a totally boring place (plus, Ibiza is only big enough for five million of us!).

So here we go. My current top 13 pet peeves (the number seemed appropriate), in no particular order. Some oldies, some goodies, some newbies and some dubious ones. Some relate to Ibiza specifically, but I suspect they can apply all around the world. Peeves are peeves, no matter where you might lay your head at night. How many of these peeve you off too?

  1. Not washing your own dishes. This is a classic all around the world and it’s recently manifested in my office. By the end of the week, there’s a big pile of dirty dishes, cups and cutlery, and the poor cleaning fairy must tackle them when she turns up on a Saturday morning. We have detergent. We have sponges. We have a drying rack. Why can’t anyone wash a dish rather than let crusty food build up and attract flies all week? The origins of this peeve came from a time when I lived with a guy (let’s call him Mr F) who didn’t wash a dish in his entire six-month stay at my house. Nor did he wash his sheets, but that’s another story. He made up for his faults with plentiful cheap wine and even more plentiful free drinks tickets at Pacha every night.
  1. Girls calling each other sister. CRINGE. Even worse – sista, sistah or sis-star. You’re not Beyonce, you’re not in a 70s crime fighting movie and – newsflash – you’re not related. It’s almost as cringey as people who open their emails or group messages with ‘Hi ladies.’ We all have unique names. Please use them.
  1. People who don’t turn their keyboard noises off on their iPhones. What is WRONG with you? Click, click, clickety clicking when everyone else is trying to concentrate, watch TV, chat, dance – whatever. It’s right up there with people who play music through their phone speaker on the beach.
  1. Flashing the peace sign in photos. It’s not the 60s, you’re not campaigning against a war (unless you totally ARE in which case I take it back) and you just look like you’re trying to order two coffees. Only exception: Flower Power at Pacha. And don’t get me started on people who sign their emails Namaste (who are not zen in the slightest).
  1. Not putting your shopping on the belt in the supermarket until the ‘next customer’ bar has been put down. I think this is a Spanish thing, as I’ve never seen anyone, anywhere else in the world be so protective over their milk and dog food. Haven’t they heard of the ‘courtesy gap’ ? You make a little space, you clearly line your stuff away from the person in front of you… and if, heaven forbid, the salesperson starts to swipe your soap, you simply stop them by saying, “Oh sorry, that’s mine.” Not here. Every Eroski, Spar and Hipercentro has one person hovering over your shoulder, precariously balancing their shopping while the belt is empty because they can’t possibly put it down in case you decide to pay for their precious bananas. Fact.
  1. Fancy dress at an after party. Now, this one is a bit controversial. I know most men like to throw on a dress after 7am and girls like to draw moustaches on their faces, but I feel like it just shows that the conversation has run dry and it’s time for bed. Real fancy dress – for example, Halloween – totally gets my vote. It’s the forced onesies and feather headdresses that bug me.
  1. Using what is obviously someone’s special coffee mug. Whether you’re in someone’s house, an office or any kind of work space, you can see it a mile off. The mug with the unicorn, a cartoon kitten or an ‘I heart Ibiza’ logo. That special mug, looking all pretty and colourful next to the sea of plain white ones. It clearly belongs to someone, so leave it there for that person. Just use a tidy whitey. That’s all I’m saying.
  1. Binge eating when drunk. This is another tricky one. I do get it, you need to sop up all the booze. I myself have been guilty of a 4am slice of cheese and jalapeños on toast in bed on occasion. But it’s just so unattractive. Scooping things out of containers with your fingers. The weird combinations. The leaving mess and paper and scraps all over the sink and never in the garbage bin. Leaving the lids off everything. Leaving the oven on while you pass out. Eating is cheating. Just go to bed and suck up your hangover like a normal person. (See number one – this normally follows number eight without fail).
  1. Answering the phone and saying “I can’t talk”. Then why answer? Let me leave a message and call me back when you can. “Can’t talk, waiting for a phone call.” So hang up the damn phone. “Can’t talk, I’m at dinner.” So put some food in your mouth. “Can’t talk, I’m in a meeting.” So pay attention to it. “Can’t talk, I’m driving.” Then for God’s sake, watch the road! If you don’t answer, I’ll get the message that you’re not available to talk and I’ll call you back later or text you what I need to know. Like a normal human being.
  1. Ordering diet drinks. Man up and have the real thing, or if you’re really so concerned about your weight/sugar intake/whatever… order a water.
  1. Those certain people who are overactive on social media, but can’t seem to ever ‘get online’ to answer important emails or deliver work on deadline. You know the ones. ‘Likes’ everything on Facebook, faves everything on Instagram, posts pictures of their breakfast/lunch/snack/dinner/drink/view. The polar opposite of those folk who mark sent mails as ‘important’ even when they’re asking you about a project that starts in six months time.
  1. Ungrateful vegetarians. As most people know, I am a card-carrying carnivore. I need meat in every meal – I blame my blood type. But I totally respect your right to be a vegetarian, vegan, pescaterian, raw-tarian, anything-tarian. To each their own. But what absolutely gets my (curried) goat, is when you invite a vegetarian friend to dinner and they spend the night complaining about the options you’ve served to them. About always being offered veggie curry, tomato-based pasta, soup, pizza or goat cheese salad (what else is there? Go to Passion if you want something creative!) by friends. Put the shoe on the other foot. How do you think I feel when there isn’t a bone on my plate at your house? But do I complain? No. I smile and gratefully chew my way through that tofu and grab a cheeseburger in the drive-through on my way home. Note: To all those vegetarians who just shut up and eat their 35th goat cheese salad in a week in silence, I salute you.
  1. Name dropping. Argh, we’ve all been there and done that, and probably been on both ends of the stick. I was just talking to my good friend Paris Hilton the other day about… no, seriously. Name dropping drives me crazy. Whether you’re talking about an encounter with an actual celebrity, you’re referencing an Ibiza celebrity (eye roll – you know the types of people I mean) or you’re just rattling off the names of your many, many, many friends and telling us about the many, many, many places you’ve been to make it seem like you’re very very, very popular, no one cares*. Live in the moment. What are we doing NOW?

*Unless you’re talking about Taylor Swift. Everyone cares about Taylor Swift.