For the Pro squad, the countdown is on, the wish lists have been created, the romantic-dinner for two has been booked and the outfit is totally planned. For the Anti brigade, cue a bunch of grumbling and complaining about commercialism and invent a host of cynical Anti-Valentine parties to attend or expect to hear all about them staying home all alone because they couldn’t bear to be surrounded by all that ‘fake sentiment’.
Whether you’re single, coupled up, married or ‘it’s complicated’ in Ibiza, it really doesn’t matter all that much whatever team you choose – after all, it’s just one day of the calendar year and there are so few Ibiza restaurants open right now, they probably couldn’t handle the volume of bookings if every single winter resident was a Pro anyway. But what happens if you’re an Anti, and you find yourself in a relationship with a Pro?
Imagine. He wants to buy you dinner and chocolates, you want to binge-watch the latest episodes of Revenge and drink wine in your pyjamas in front of the telly. Do you suck it up, and begrudgingly accept the spoils or do you demand he return your favourite perfume and Agent Provocateur lingerie (even though you’ve secretly been lusting after it since you DIDN’T get it for Christmas) in the name of ‘saving money’, then throw a frozen pizza in the microwave and pretend to enjoy it?
If you choose to let him indulge his soppy side, does this mean you too, need to purchase reciprocal gifts, cards and overdose on forced romance for the duration of the occasion? Can you do it and feel sincere, or will you be choking on your own vomit (and cursing your credit card statement) the whole time? If you choose to stand your Anti ground… do you run the risk of being seen as a total spoilsport and (gasp!) perhaps not the type of girl he really wants to be around forever?
Flip it the other way (perhaps the most dangerous combination) – if she’s a Pro and he’s an Anti – is she going to be sulky and miserable (despite saying she’s ‘fine’ with it) when he doesn’t present her with flowers and serenade her on the morning of the 14th, while he blunders about the rest of his day unawares? Is it serious enough to be a deal-breaker, or is it something you can forget about come Easter (I’m presuming Pros are also pretty good at holding grudges)?
Here’s what I think (and let me preface this with the fact that I am a lifelong Anti). At the end of the day (well, actually three times a day), everyone needs to eat. Even on Valentine’s Day. No matter what side of the fence you’re sitting on, why should it stop you from enjoying your food? So what if eating feels like cheating? Eating is one of life’s greatest pleasures. And what kind of girl says no to presents? None that I’ve ever met!
Take my advice, if your lover is a Pro, capitalise on it! Enjoy those gifts, savour that chocolate, get tipsy on that champagne and above all, let him pick up the cheque at dinner (after all, Cupid rhymes with stupid). I’ve known quite a few Ibiza restaurants to devise special aphrodisiacal menus for the occasion, so you may ultimately benefit in more ways than one come V-Day…
If your lover is an Anti, use his cold-heartedness as an excuse to stock up on all the best comfort foods from the supermarket and binge-eat as you binge-watch – then get him take you out for dinner on another night (see the trick there?). It’s like two dates for the price of one!) to PROVE the fact he doesn’t need a special date to show his love for you.
And if you don’t have a Valentine? Just get a cat. Ahh, if I only had a heart…