Last weekend in Ibiza was like the unofficial opening weekend of the Ibiza gay party scene. We had La Troya, Supermartxe, Café Ole and Matinee in all their glittery, shiny, disco-tastic glory, kicking off in the port with some fabuloiusly OTT parades before hitting Amnesia, Privilege, Space and Amnesia (again!).

From super-buffed-and-bronzed bods to diamante-encrusted drag queens, it was a feast for the eyes to be sure, and I couldn’t help but notice it was predominantly the ladies who were getting very overly excited about these events. What is it about Ibiza gay parties (though admittedly many call themselves polysexual) that attracts so many heterosexual women? A quick poll amongst my female friends gave me the following responses:

1. You can dance all night long with reckless abandonment and feel completely safe. No sleazy man is going to grope you or rub themselves up against you as they pretend to be walking past you. In fact, it’s highly likely that no one is even looking at you!

2. You can openly and acceptably gawk at the amazing male specimens on the dance floor and podiums without fear of being busted (or fear of rejection!). From the dance floor participants to the performers, these guys work hard to look this good and our appreciation is appreciated (or so I’m told!).

3. A night out with gay friends can really do wonders for a girl’s self confidence. After all, who doesn’t like being told they look fierce, hot, cute, gorgeous and delicious (insert your favourite superlative here) all night long? We work hard to look this good too!

4. Oh the glamour! The feathers! The footwear! The make-up! The sequins! The sparkle! The shows! The spectacle! Flamboyant, fabulous and above all, fun. Beats the hell out of a bunch of skinny bitches gyrating in next-to-nothing on a DJ booth, if you know what I mean…

5. Apologies in advance for what I know is a generalisation (don’t shoot the messenger!), but who could say no to worshipping at the altar of Madonna? On a one-hour walk through Calle de la Virgen on Saturday night, you can hear her Madgesty pumping across the airwaves in at least six different bars… now I just need to find one that plays Kylie! All night long…