Miss W's blog

Who wants to be the rebound guy?

Or rebound girl, for that matter?

Yes of course the question here is rhetorical peeps – it’s not like I’m using my blog as some kind of Miss W Ibiza lonely hearts column (err, not yet!).

Photo: Maria Simon

It’s just that the other day, when being introduced to (read: encouragingly shoved towards) yet another one of my friends’ hot/sexy/French/DJ/Spanish/actor/Italian/artist/single male friends, I couldn’t help but feel how someone would react if they knew you were merely considering them as a ‘rebound’.

Because if it were me… Well, I would rather poke myself repeatedly in the eye with a blunt plastic fork than trot around with someone who was using me as replacement therapy for their ex, although I’m sure at some stage of my life, this has unwillingly been me. But I digress…

Rebounding can be a dangerous game. Especially if, like me, you have the hope on some level that the person you’re currently with could turn out to be the love of your life (perhaps a sign I’ve just seen too many Katherine Heigl movies since my break-up?). Therefore I have – after considerable research – devised some rebound rules for myself to follow from hereon in. Feel free to adopt or disregard, whatever your view on the subject!

Miss W’s rules of rebounding.

1. Never tell your rebound they’re a rebound. Unless of course it’s a pre-agreed rebound situation in which both of you knows the score (win/win!), it does absolutely nothing for their (or your) self esteem.

2. Don’t rebound within your circle of friends. Or workmates – there’s a reason they say ‘don’t screw with the crew’! It’s pretty easy, when you’re on the verge of a rebound, to find innocent members of the opposite sex in your gang/social circle attractive, even those you’ve known forever and never found even slightly appealing before. Ignore such urges – it is merely your newly-single brain trying to fill the void left by your ex. This passes.

3. Don’t introduce your rebound to your friends. Dear god – or your family! You’re just lining yourself up for a set of awkward future social situations if you do…

4. Don’t rebound simply to make your ex jealous. If you’re a girl, chances are he’ll rebound before you (it’s human nature for guys to move on faster than girls – or so I’ve been told by my male friends) and won’t bat an eyelid about your love life, so why would you waste a perfectly good rebound on that? And on the subject of jealousy… remember that if your rebound happens to become taken with someone else, you don’t really have any right to be jealous. He’s just a rebound, right?

5. Always rebound with someone you find really, really, ridiculously, unbearably, knee-shakingly hot. Because let’s face it, if you’re only going to have one rebound – not that there are any rules against multiple rebounds of course – it may as well be one to remember, rather than one you regret!

6. Under no circumstances mention your ex in the presence of your rebound. In fact, you should hide all evidence that you were ever with anyone else, ever, even if you still happen to be wearing trinkets or clothes relating to said ex. (‘What, this old thing? I found it at San Jordi market last weekend’). Why? One word: baggage. Another word: Scary.

7. Don’t ever feel guilty about your rebound. Rebounding may not be the most noble thing you’ve ever done in the world, but as they say (who are ‘they’ anyway?), it takes two to tango. Rebounding is all about regaining self-confidence and guilt trips merely throw a spanner in the boring old healing process works.

8. Use your rebound experience to do all the things you didn’t do with your ex. Err, clearly I’m talking about wearing leopard print leggings, but if say, someone wanted to up the kink factor… now’s the time. Safely, of course!

9. Remember that every minute you spend with the rebound is a minute you could have been out meeting (cliché alert) ‘the one’, so don’t drag it out for too long. It’s highly unlikely that you’ll wake up one morning and realise your rebound is ‘the one’ after all. Although stranger things have happened. I was once warned off an ex-BF just before we got together, because apparently he wasn’t over his ex-GF, thus putting me in danger of being the rebound. In the end, we were together over three years. I call that beating the rebound odds. That or it was a reeeeally long rebound!

10. Don’t get attached! Remember, all good rebounds must come to an end. Otherwise they wouldn’t be a rebound now, would they?