AWE-gust has arrived

Take a deep breath – it’s that time of year again. August has arrived – the month of big spenders, big bucks, big boats and big stars. Big queues, big parties and even bigger after parties. That’s right folks, August has arrived. Or, as I prefer to think of it, AWE-gust. I mean, love it or hate it, you have to admit, some things about the month are indeed awe inspiring. For example, my jaw drops at the sight of the gazillions of super yachts moored in the port each and every night – and it drops even lower when I spy the SUPER superyachts dropping anchor just away from the ports, in between Los Molinos and Figueretes or off the coast of San Antonio.

A quick roll call sees most of the big guns have already cruised into the Balearics. The iconic ‘A’ (owned by Russian billionaire Andrey Melnichenko and famed for its Phillipe Starck design in addition to its 119-metre mass), Prince Abdul Aziz (owned by the Saudi Arabia Royal Family and so big it even features a replica Titanic lobby – yes, really), ‘Eclipse’ (Abramovich’s current baby featuring two swimming pools, two helipads, a cinema, a mini-submarine and its own missile defence system – yes, really again) and the ‘Radiant’ (a 110-metre retro style beauty owned by a sheik from Dubai), plus many, many more. Just take a stroll through the newly redeveloped port in Ibiza town if you want your mind to be blown. The size. The quality. The value – we’re talking up to around 860,000,000€ for some – but that’s just a drop in the ocean for some of these players (sorry, couldn’t help myself). Join the throes of people milling around on shore, all hoping for the chance to sneak a peek onboard, and catch a glimpse of a lifestyle that is so very nearly impossible for most people in the world, but that is happening right here under our noses each and every day throughout AWE-gust.

You may might be wondering how I know so much about the inside of these superyachts, and while I’d like to report that I’ve been sailing on them by day and partying on them every night, I’m going to admit the truth – I merely have an addiction to Superyacht Times. Yes, such a publication exists. Such is the world of superyachts. I remember being fascinated with the concept of a super yacht after the first time I ever caught sight of the A, while on a humble sailboat (that at the time I thought was pretty damn special) en route to Formentera. From then on I’d Google the names of the mega boats I’d see in the water or moored in the port each summer. But really – what do these people DO on their superyachts all day?

Do you really need that much space while you’re at sea? If you have 65 bedrooms, does that mean you have 65 guests, or are they just for show? Are they like regular boats, where all the cupboards have magnets to ensure they don’t fly open when a wave comes? How many staff are onboard? How long does it take to clean the windows? Is your WiFI signal stronger because you’re on a superyacht? Does cava – oops, sorry, I mean champagne – taste better on a superyacht? If you own a superyacht, do you have The Lonely Island’s ‘I’m on a boat’ as your phone’s ringtone? Where do you order your helicopter to take you once it’s picked you up – is Ibiza traffic that bad? Can you take the submarine for a joyride? Does a boat that big make you feel like a teensy tiny human being? One day I hope to board a superyacht and ask all these questions. Who knows, this AWE-gust could be my lucky month!