Who wants to be the rebound guy?

It’s just that the other day, when being introduced to (read: encouragingly shoved towards) yet another one of my friends’ hot/sexy/French/DJ/Spanish/actor/Italian/artist/single male friends, I couldn’t help but feel how someone would react if they knew you were merely considering them as a ‘rebound’.

Because if it were me… Well, I would rather poke myself repeatedly in the eye with a blunt plastic fork than trot around with someone who was using me as replacement therapy for their ex, although I’m sure at some stage of my life, this has unwillingly been me. But I digress…

Rebounding can be a dangerous game. Especially if, like me, you have the hope on some level that the person you’re currently with could turn out to be the love of your life (perhaps a sign I’ve just seen too many Katherine Heigl movies since my break-up?). Therefore I have – after considerable research – devised some rebound rules for myself to follow from hereon in. Feel free to adopt or disregard, whatever your view on the subject!

Miss W’s rules of rebounding.

1. Never tell your rebound they’re a rebound. Unless of course it’s a pre-agreed rebound situation in which both of you knows the score (win/win!), it does absolutely nothing for their (or your) self esteem.

2. Don’t rebound within your circle of friends. Or workmates – there’s a reason they say ‘don’t screw with the crew’! It’s pretty easy, when you’re on the verge of a rebound, to find innocent members of the opposite sex in your gang/social circle attractive, even those you’ve known forever and never found even slightly appealing before. Ignore such urges – it is merely your newly-single brain trying to fill the void left by your ex. This passes.

3. Don’t introduce your rebound to your friends. Dear god – or your family! You’re just lining yourself up for a set of awkward future social situations if you do…

4. Don’t rebound simply to make your ex jealous. If you’re a girl, chances are he’ll rebound before you (it’s human nature for guys to move on faster than girls – or so I’ve been told by my male friends) and won’t bat an eyelid about your love life, so why would you waste a perfectly good rebound on that? And on the subject of jealousy… remember that if your rebound happens to become taken with someone else, you don’t really have any right to be jealous. He’s just a rebound, right?

5. Always rebound with someone you find really, really, ridiculously, unbearably, knee-shakingly hot. Because let’s face it, if you’re only going to have one rebound – not that there are any rules against multiple rebounds of course – it may as well be one to remember, rather than one you regret!

6. Under no circumstances mention your ex in the presence of your rebound. In fact, you should hide all evidence that you were ever with anyone else, ever, even if you still happen to be wearing trinkets or clothes relating to said ex. (‘What, this old thing? I found it at San Jordi market last weekend’). Why? One word: baggage. Another word: Scary.

7. Don’t ever feel guilty about your rebound. Rebounding may not be the most noble thing you’ve ever done in the world, but as they say (who are ‘they’ anyway?), it takes two to tango. Rebounding is all about regaining self-confidence and guilt trips merely throw a spanner in the boring old healing process works.

8. Use your rebound experience to do all the things you didn’t do with your ex. Err, clearly I’m talking about wearing leopard print leggings, but if say, someone wanted to up the kink factor… now’s the time. Safely, of course!

9. Remember that every minute you spend with the rebound is a minute you could have been out meeting (cliché alert) ‘the one’, so don’t drag it out for too long. It’s highly unlikely that you’ll wake up one morning and realise your rebound is ‘the one’ after all. Although stranger things have happened. I was once warned off an ex-BF just before we got together, because apparently he wasn’t over his ex-GF, thus putting me in danger of being the rebound. In the end, we were together over three years. I call that beating the rebound odds. That or it was a reeeeally long rebound!

10. Don’t get attached! Remember, all good rebounds must come to an end. Otherwise they wouldn’t be a rebound now, would they?

Single in Ibiza

Anyone who knows me, or has read my previous blog will be all too familiar with the fact that Miss W Ibiza has recently (12 weeks and two days but who’s still counting?) joined the ranks of single girls on the white isle. And after finally emerging from my break-up mourning period, I’ve hit the Ibiza social scene with renewed enthusiasm, but I can’t seem to help noticing the dramatic differences between being single and being loved up.

Let me fill you in on some of my most recent observations…

PRO: You can talk about calories and carbohydrates at the dinner table with your girlfriends to your heart’s content (yep, even while ordering dessert). No rolling eyes, no judgement!
CON: When you crack open that tub of Ben & Jerry’s at home late one night, there’s no one else to scoff the other half of it for you… which means gaining extra calories despite your best salad-eating efforts amongst your girlfriends in public.

PRO: You can gush over… yes, you know who I’m about to say… Richie Hawtin, Luciano and DJ W!ld to your heart’s content, stalk them on Facebook and download all their latest press shots to use as your screen saver, changing it daily.
CON: None of your girlfriends actually understand that you ‘really love them for their music’ and won’t sit around nerding out to their latest releases like a guy would.

PRO: You can be totally proud of the fact that you’re a 100 percent independent woman, who pays her own way everywhere and makes all her own choices.
CON: Being proud and independent is all well and good, but when you’ve got to carry an eight-litre water bottle and a big sack of kitty litter up the hill to your house, that extra manpower would be really appreciated.

PRO: You are a constant source of entertainment to your coupled-up and married friends, regaling them with tales of crazy nights out and stories of all the new boys you’ve met.
CON: Being the third wheel at a dinner table – or worse, being seated on the singles table at an event – can get a bit tiresome and makes you feel like a loser.

PRO: You can do what you want, when you want, with who you want.
CON: You’ve got to admit it’s nicer to have a partner in crime to do it all with.

PRO: You can stay out until stupid o’clock, with no one tsk tsk-ing you or telling you it’s time for that last drink and then bed.
CON: Having no one to snuggle up to but your pillow (and if you’re like me, your cats) when it’s cold outside and you’re trying to shake off a hangover is a pretty grim reality.

PRO: Every time you go out is exciting, because you never know where you might end up or who you might end up meeting.
CON: Sometimes (especially in Ibiza) you can end up in strange places with some equally strange people, and not having a BF to rely upon to come to your rescue is pretty scary sometimes!

PRO: You don’t feel the need to shave your legs every couple of days.
CON: Sporting furry legs limits your wardrobe selection somewhat… and you can pretty much guarantee you’ll meet someone new and end up in a compromising position and realise at the last minute that you’ve ‘let yourself go’. Not that I would ever sleep with someone on the first date of course. I mean, for example, you wouldn’t want to strip down to your underwear for a spontaneous swim at Salinas. Right?

PRO: You can stay in bed all day on the weekends and watch re-runs of Grey’s Anatomy.
CON: While there’s nothing wrong with a comforting duvet day, I can think of plenty of other things to do between the sheets!

PRO: You can spend plenty of time with all of your other male friends without making anyone jealous or hearing snide remarks from your BF.
CON: On an island as small as Ibiza, you can almost guarantee a rumour will be started about you and said male counterpart as soon as you’ve been seen in public together.

PRO: The end of the summer season means your ex-BF has left the island, so there’s no fear of awkward social situations in the quieter months.
CON: Your ex-BF leaving the island means there’s no chance of an emergency 4am booty call.

PRO: You can wear all the leopard print you want.
CON: According to feedback on my previous blog, no real live man likes leopard print. Clearly they don’t understand fashion, but I guess it doesn’t make you attractive to the opposite sex!

PRO: You can flirt shamelessly with anyone you want, anywhere, anytime!
CON: There’s something to be said for subtlety when being flirtatious, especially on a little island like ours where everyone knows everyone else’s business. Take Halloween for example: when your face paint ends up smeared over someone else’s chin, it’s only a matter of time until the anonymous jig is up and you’re branded with the tramp stamp!